There is no handbook or how-to guide given to you on how to raise your children. Every child is different and needs to be cared for in their own way. You may think you have the swing of parenting after one kid, and then you have another child. Guess what! You will feel as though you are starting all over again! There is one universal thing that all parents can agree on for all children. All parents want what is best for their children. They also want their children to overcome the tough challenges that will inevitably come their way. Even though there is no step-by-step handbook on how to raise your children, there are a few tips to help along the way. One of these tips is to practice mental strength with your children. It also helps to practice it ourselves, too!
According to Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, “Mental strength requires you to pay attention to three things: the way you think, feel and act. Thinking big, feeling good, and acting brave helps us grow our mental...
JUMP! Take the plunge! Go on and dive in like when you were a kid. As an adult we forget how much more refreshing and fun it is to just plunge right in rather than slowly and painfully inching our way in. The same goes for decision making.
Instead of debating back and forth endlessly with yourself about whether or not one outcome will be better than another, you need to set a reasonable amount of time to weigh the choices and then make a decision based upon the best information and choices you have at the time. Decision making is like a muscle. If you can make one decision you strengthen it. The more decisions you make the stronger your ability and belief in it. If you wait around, options will disappear and your decision will be the result of inaction. Then, you will be back to square one or even minus square one! Making a decision is the only way to move forward in an empowered way.
Self aware and empowered people know they must take risks to make a decision. They gain power...
Nothing wrong with a good vent, right? What harm could it do. It’s bad to keep it bottled up. Let it out we have been told.
I have been spinning the inequities and inefficiencies of the U.S. vaccine distribution. I am an Enneagram 3 - I can’t help myself as I am dialed toward positive action with efficiency and effectiveness.
But these last few weeks, I have found I didn’t feel any better to vent on the doses being thrown out because they couldn’t find people in time in the approved government categories or how people are putting themselves into categories 1A and 1B tangentially and getting vaccinated or how my husband is exposed as an essential member of the justice system and our Governor hasn’t replied to my emails asking for equity for criminal defense attorneys - only prosecutors have access. Okay, the vent is over. Why? Because instead of relieving pressure with venting, research shows that venting is not enough. If we don’t vent...
Do you know what you want for 2021?
Let’s say goodbye to the big vague statements (“my best year yet”) and harness the energy of fresh starts with specific and actionable micro goals. What’s a micro goal? Here are a few examples: I want to get outside everyday or I want to travel to three countries or I want to read 50 books or I want to gain 10 new clients. Getting the idea? Specific and actionable.
Clarity is the first step to saying yes to you in 2021.
Three steps to get clarity:
1. Write down what you want in detail. Do not edit yourself. Simply set a timer for 5 minutes and vomit on paper.
2. Now, prioritize the download in #1. List your top 5 priorities. See if you find a commonality or string that pulls through. Spend 10 minutes on this step.
3. Lastly, break the priorities in #2 into tiny steps. Big change is made through everyday small actions. We want to set you up for success. Think tiny or micro changes that you build on everyday. Spend...
Each week, I hike with a dear friend. The 90 minute hike is a highlight in my week as it motivates me to hit certain mini goals because I know that friend is going to hold me accountable. It is a wonderful blend of physical exertion, creative brainstorming and soulful connection. This past week we celebrated our December birthdays near the peak of the trail in a field filled with deer and a sky so blue it looked painted. We FaceTimed another friend from Massachusetts and laughed and celebrated. My hiking sister shared a wonderful “Friendship” quote reminding us three of the POSSIBILITIES. And then we pushed ourselves physically while downloading our worlds and giving voice to our worries, hopes and dreams.
Each week before our hike concludes, we commit to something concrete and say “I will hold you accountable next week”. And the next week, if we don’t make the exact goal, we give grace but we also celebrate incremental movement forward. Progress...
Why do you procrastinate?
If you understand the underlying reasons then you can stop your procrastination cycle.
When you procrastinate, not only do you not get something done, you often spin yourself into a web of stress and self-judgment.
I am a marvel at getting things done and yet I still procrastinate when it comes to certain things.
I procrastinate around things I don’t naturally enjoy or (gasp) I am not naturally good at. (Don’t tell my sons!)
I procrastinate by doing less important things that don’t have a significant impact or a time deadline.
I procrastinate by taking the dog for yet another walk (Sailor is a Covid hunk!)
Noone would look at me and think I procrastinate.
But the truth is, we all do.
Usually procrastination brings unwanted angst and stress.
So, we should be motivated to just do it, right? (Help me Nike)
No such luck.
Most often we procrastinate because we are unclear on what we need to do and how to do...
I celebrated my 21st anniversary a few days ago,
And I do celebrate.
In all this uncertainty, of us I am certain.
Family and friends often comment on the strength of the relationship my husband and I share. Why?
It appears easy, joyful and connected.
And spoiler alert - it is.
I usually don’t like to talk about us because I am slightly superstitious and really who wants to hear about someone’s happy, functional and lasting relationship.
The human condition relates more to the negativity bias.
We tend to be attracted to the train wreck.
And Covid19 hasn’t been easy on relationships.
But, since we can’t be what we don’t see, I share because our relationship isn’t the way it is by accident or simply good luck.
I want others to benefit.
Self and other awareness goes a long way toward a fulfilling relationship and life.
The first step is to know and honor ourselves.
2020, we are through.
Well, let’s clarify, we are through with the way I thought it would be.
I declare a new relationship under new terms which means there are new opportunities.
I am NOT hanging on to what could have been. And you shouldn’t either.
Is it that easy?
Research confirms what the human experience tells us - we have a hard time ending things.
We keep at what we know EVEN if it no longer works and we rationally know it won’t get better.
That is why so much of the pandemic life is frustrating and exhausting.
We need to pivot like never before - everything is different and will continue to be for an uncertain time.
Hello Messy Middle!
Hello Lack of Control!
There isn’t a person who isn’t feeling the weight of all the unknowns.
There isn’t a parent who isn’t crushed by their kids’ disappointments and lost opportunities.
There isn’t a mom who isn’t overloaded by ever changing school...
Covid Online School 1, Me 0
I am NOT raising the white flag YET...
Though it is tempting.
I always say ‘raising boys isn’t for the faint of heart’.
Now I amend that to ‘online school for teenage boys is not for the weak of spirit’.
They are not engaged - really how can asynchronous learning compare to YouTube.
I need to be strong.
I need to play the long game.
I need to not cave because it is too exhausting to push those boys forward.
I need to be creative.
I need to be adaptable.
I need to practice patience.
And I need to meet each kid where he is.
How do I do that?
I turn to my Enneagram family roadmap.
I then tune into my adaptable tenacious Enneagram 3 energy and superpower to get it done! (If we know one another well, I see you shaking your head in agreement!)
And I recognize I am NOT parenting myself - my sons are Enneagram Archetypes of 7, 4 and 9 and though they are definitely my boys, they are NOT...
Yep, no doubt.
Are you attached to the exact outcome? How do you feel when things don’t turn out how you hoped? How are you feeling about 2020 as a whole?
When what we expect doesn’t align with what we get, we are disappointed, frustrated, and ultimately less motivated to move forward.
And isn’t that pretty much 2020 so far?
Universally, whatever we each had planned is not turning out that way.
And okay, I admit as a planner, I spent the first days of Covid life looking for ways to still make my plans work.
But, I changed my expectations to be fluid. And I found more joy.
I let go of what my Class of 2020 son’s college freshman year looks like. It certainly won’t be typical or recognizable to any past freshman year. And we all know I am continuously triaging my high school sons school year.
Meeting up with friends is different but staying connected has persevered. The...